I always say we have too many kids. Four kids, to be exact. It’s somewhat in jest, but also… it’s true. When you’re trying to get a family of six moving anywhere, “vacation” becomes a relative term. We go to the beach, sure, but let’s be honest—it’s not a vacation for my wife and me. It’s a trip. The kids have a blast, but for us? It’s a lot of work.

That’s why when my wife stumbled across another large family’s instagram posts about their “10 year old trip” tradition, it immediately resonated. Here was a family that understood the chaos, the constant compromises, the reality that individual attention becomes a rare commodity when you’re outnumbered.

The Tradition

The concept is simple: when each child turns 10, they get to pick one parent and one destination (within reason, in the continental United States) for a solo trip. Just them, one parent, and complete decision-making power.

Think about it—when do kids in large families ever get to make all the decisions? Usually, it’s a negotiation between siblings, a compromise that leaves everyone partially satisfied but no one completely happy. Not on the 10 year old trip. This is their show.

Our Adventures So Far

Trip One: Legoland and Beyond

Our oldest son chose me and Legoland in Florida. Right off the bat, he was making the big calls. When I explained that staying on the Legoland resort property was expensive, but if we stayed off-property we could add a day at Harry Potter World with the money we saved, he didn’t hesitate. “Let’s do Harry Potter World too!”

The best part? I surprised him with a “last day before the plane home” trip to Cape Canaveral. He’s obsessed with space and NASA, so watching his face light up at Kennedy Space Center was worth the extra driving. When you only have one kid to focus on, you can actually see these moments instead of managing three other meltdowns.

Trip Two: Disney Magic

My daughter, two years younger, chose my wife and—in what I had expected would be the template for most 10 year old trips—Disney World. But here’s where the tradition surprised us again.

Turns out, she’s absolutely fearless on roller coasters. With just one kid to focus on, my wife could actually enjoy watching her daughter’s pure joy instead of worrying about where the other three were or who needed what. They rode everything, multiple times, without the usual “but I don’t want to” chorus from siblings.

Trip Three: The Great Outdoors

This year, I’m heading to Yellowstone with our third. After two theme park adventures, we’re going completely different—national parks, hiking, wildlife. And it makes sense again in retrospect given our son’s break from his siblings. I’m sure he’d love Disney World, but being a little more “introverted and skinned knees from climing trees” then his older siblings, this just fits. It’s going to be fascinating to see how this plays out compared to the structured entertainment of the previous trips.

The Real Magic

Here’s what I’ve learned: when you’re used to managing four kids, having just one is incredibly freeing. (my wife and I have a saying “one is the new zero”) You can actually have conversations. You can be spontaneous. You can say “yes” to things you’d normally have to say “no” to because of logistics.

But beyond the logistics, there’s something deeper happening. These kids get undivided attention in a way that’s nearly impossible in daily life with a household of six. They get to be heard, to have their preferences matter completely, to experience what it feels like to have to and get to make all the decisions for a few days.

Why Structure Matters

This tradition works because it gives kids something concrete to look forward to. Structure and tradition aren’t just nice-to-haves in large families—they’re survival tools. The more predictable rhythms you can build into their lives (daily, weekly, etc.), the better they handle the chaos that inevitably comes with having siblings.

It’s the same principle they tell you about with babies: structure helps them understand and adjust to the rhythms of life. But here’s the thing—every kid is different. Some take to structure naturally, others push against it. The 10 year old trip works because it honors both needs: the structure of a family tradition and the individual exploration of personal choice.

The Bigger Picture

What started as a practical solution to the “too many kids” problem has become something much more meaningful. Each child knows their turn is coming. They watch their older siblings go and start planning their own adventure. They learn that being part of a big family doesn’t mean getting lost in the crowd—it means your individual moment will come, and when it does, it’ll be completely yours.

The tradition also teaches them about decision-making in a low-stakes environment. Want to spend the whole day at one attraction? Your call. Prefer to hop around? Also your call. These are the kinds of choices they rarely get to make unilaterally at home.

Looking Forward

As we gear up for Yellowstone, I’m curious how this outdoor adventure will compare to the theme park experiences. Will the lack of structured entertainment make the one-on-one time even more meaningful? Will hiking trails lead to deeper conversations than roller coaster lines?

What I know for sure is that this tradition has become one of our family’s most treasured practices. It acknowledges the reality of large family life while creating space for individual connection. It gives each child something uniquely theirs in a household where sharing is the default.

And honestly? It gives us parents a chance to remember why we love spending time with our kids in the first place, without the constant referee duties that come with the full crew.

The 10 year old trip isn’t just about the destination—it’s about the rare gift of undivided attention in a divided world. For families like ours, that might be the most valuable vacation of all.